Compassion for the Caregiver

I absolutely love being a counsellor…

My body, mind and soul are rejuvenated by the deep sense of meaning and purpose I receive from being invited into the wellness journeys of others. My compassionate and non-judgmental energies are frequently met with relief and a sense of safety.

This is my career, but it is also so much more.

All of that said, I am also a human being with a variety of my own limitations, and it is essential that I acknowledge this reality on a regular basis.

What prompted this blog post was being met with meanness after I was not able to meet the expectations of a person who reached out for help. This interaction was initially quite triggering for me, and I’ll explain why, but more importantly, I’ve since found peace of mind and hope that sharing my experience, helps other helping professionals feel understood. 

 

Being a clinical counsellor was not my first career choice, as I was initially a psychiatric nurse. In middle school, I spent most of my time with other teens who were struggling with their mental health. 

I was frequently an emotional support for things far beyond my years or ability to conceptualize, but it sparked a desire to help other people with similar issues. My friends often spoke about their hatred for their mental health providers, and I thought to myself, “I’ll be the cool psychiatric nurse! I’ll be the one that makes people feel cared for and not have people hate me.”

Oh, the naïve and inexperienced mind of a younger me. There was no way I would know the reality or limitations within the healthcare system to provide the best level of care for people in a mental health crisis.

In 2009, I graduated from Brandon University with a Bachelor of Science in Psychiatric Nursing and moved to a remote city to pursue my new role.

By no means would I consider my care perfect, but I often received feedback from colleagues and patients that I met people with genuine care and treated them like a “human” versus someone who just needed to follow the rules set by the location or treatment plan.

Regardless of the obstacles that exist for healthcare professionals in providing quality care (including burnout), I always did my best to make patients and colleagues feel welcome when speaking with me. After many years of barriers, burnout and a mental health crisis of my own, I directed my energy toward my education to become a clinical counsellor.

I founded Another Chapter Counselling in the Spring of 2022, and it has grown in the most beautiful ways. I am grateful each and every day for the gifts I have received from the universe and the trust from my clients that they are in good hands.

 

First of all, I am a human, so, therefore, I will have thoughts, feelings and reactions to upsets. 

A huge part of my practice is helping clients better understand their nervous system, their triggers and feeling resourced through a variety of comforts (support, movement or stillness). There will always be learning curves in what helps me and what makes my body/mind go into overdrive. It is all part of the human experience!

That said, I cannot meet the expectations of everyone at every time. This, too, is very human of me.

Because I specialize in helping healthcare professionals and those with a desire to become one, I am hyperaware of the dehumanization that happens to caregivers. There is a generalized idea that because we are in a helping career, that we must constantly embody being a helper.

This is one of the biggest reasons so many people are leaving the helping field. They continue to push themselves beyond human limitations, frequently because of their work environment expectations, the general public’s belief systems of what staff can “handle,” and the beliefs instilled in us during our education. 

Be perfect. If you are not perfect, people could die.

The level of responsibility and workload increases (tasks & patients) being placed on staff is not only unsustainable but also dangerous.

 

When we are suffering, there is a sense of urgency for something to be done. Fight or flight energy is SUPER influential in making us feel a need to distract or gain comfort immediately.

This reaction comes from a survival perspective, but our minds, unfortunately, cannot differentiate between fear/distress versus the risk of death. Consciously yes, but when our body is filled with the chemicals of fight/flight or freeze, it is incredibly hard to disconnect from the internal sensations it creates (thoughts, emotions, behaviours).

Finding ways to feel safe and connected is essential in our healing journey. If we do not feel supported or there is a sense of helplessness present, our nervous system can be very reactive through anger and fear. Understandably so, severe discomfort is really scary and awful to cope with alone.

When we are in a state of crisis, and our sense of urgency is not met with gratifying responses, our character can be impacted, and we can be hurtful. If this is you, please know that healing is possible with the right support and personal insights.

 

Because I have seen the repercussions of people living outside of a sustainable way of life, and have personal experience with the downfalls, I made a promise to myself when I opened my practice…

I will acknowledge my human limitations and utilize self-compassion to ensure I can provide the best quality care I can to my clients for as long as I happily can.

Not only have I managed to keep this promise to myself, I have done a lot of personal healing alongside my professional journey. There have been learning curves (how could there not be?), but the intention of treating myself with the same compassion I give others did not change.

My schedule has been curated with the following elements in mind:

-  Consistent & Predictable Work Hours.

-  Informing Clients & Subcontractors of Weeks I am Unavailable.

-  To Not Over-Deplete my Energy so that I can Enjoy my Personal Life.

-  Only See the Number of Clients I can Give Quality Attention To.

-  Offer to Option of Emergency Sessions with the Stipulation that I Cannot Always Accommodate One and Provide Alternative Services if Desired.

 

Countless hours of thought and past experiences have created a balanced approach to providing care within my limitations.

And because I am human, what I can provide can ebb and flow based on other factors, including:

-  Business Related Tasks

-  Wellness Speaking, Workshops & Mentoring to Provide Variety in my Work Responsibilities

-  Mental Health

- Time-Consuming Life Events (good and difficult)

I have made peace with the fact that I cannot be everything for everybody, and as a people pleaser in recovery, this was a difficult, but relieving pill to swallow.

 

So, in the beginning, I expressed that the experience with a displeased person created peace of mind. How?

I kept the promise I made to myself.

Don’t get me wrong, receiving negative feedback really sucked. Initially, I questioned myself, my practice standards and even my compassion. To say I didn’t spiral would be a lie. 

On the other hand, I did not spiral for long because I resourced myself with all of the things I needed professionally and personally. I attended to my needs instead of ignoring them.

The thing is, I did all of the things my nervous system was craving. I sought support from trusted colleagues, I asked for feedback in a professional group on how they manage their availability, moved my body and reflected on ways I could grow from the experience.

This is my career… but I am so much more.

 

I care deeply about the wellbeing of each one of my clients, and because this is true, I care about my own human needs and desires. 

I cannot provide quality care and attention if I am not conscious about protecting my peace. Also, wouldn’t I be a little hypocritical if I did not practice self-compassion, although it is something I teach others about?

The second reason for sharing my experience is to connect with other wellness professionals. I see you, and I am you. I know the pressure that builds up inside our incredibly compassionate souls to help those suffering.

Lovely, fill your cup. Give yourself the gift of being able to provide quality care to others by being mindful of YOU. If you love what you do, love yourself so that you can stay in the field.

I no longer pour from an empty cup. If my cup is empty, I create more space for rest and rejuvenation, and THAT is how I will keep my love for the work I do.

 

Interested in connecting with me or one of the other amazing counsellors at Another Chapter Counselling? Please check out our pages to see if we currently have availability or if you can join a waitlist!