Words of Affirmation
What are love languages and why am I writing about words of affirmation?
Now is your time to learn a little bit more about ways to show love to others who appreciate words of affirmation!
Plot twist, if YOU are a person who speaks this love language, there are some tips on how you can add it to personalizing your self-care and self-love practices, too!
Posted: July 3rd, 2021
Disclaimer: Although I am a mental health professional, all information and reflections are meant for educational purposes only. If you plan to make changes in your life, it may be worth consulting with loved ones and/or your wellness team. Also, this post may contain affiliate links that will connect you with some pretty cool products and when making a purchase through those links, I receive a small commission at no extra cost to you.
Gary Chapman is the marriage counselling mastermind behind the concept of the Five Love Languages. If you have never heard of this, it is time you do!
His book The Five Love Languages has multiple versions, been updated multiple times throughout the years and in a variety of languages. There is likely some truth behind his words since this is the case!
What are they?
Don’t know which one you fall under? Click HERE to do one of the quizzes!
To generalize, the idea is that head over heels love typically has an expiry date of being “enough” of about 2 years. It’s a pattern that was seen repeatedly! Why? Because partners were not feeling loved!
The lovey dovey excitement begins to fade if our “love tanks” are not being filled and we EACH have different ways we want to be shown love. Funny enough, it is typically the way we show love too!
But wait… what if our loved ones don’t have the same love language? Welp, that is where Gary Chapman’s book or these blog posts come in! Although Gary’s focus is on couples or children, there is more information coming forward regarding people recommending the use of love languages toward self-care too!
This series of posts is going to include ways to show love to others AND ourselves using love languages! Keep reading to learn more about Words of Affirmations.
Words of Affirmation
I like to think of this love language as a the “Verbal” form of caring!
Gary Chapman describes Words of Affirmations as verbal compliments, or words of appreciation, which are best communicated in a simple and straightforward statement.
An extra important note? BE GENUINE! There is no space for fake words of affirmation.
Pretty self-explanatory, but don’t worry, I’ve got many examples coming up!
One thing I feel people don’t realize is that if someone’s love language is receiving kindness though words, then insults sting… and I mean, a lot.
Imagine if compliments or encouragement were extremely meaningful to you. Receiving the opposite would feel immensely painful!
This does not mean you should avoid constructive criticism or lie to someone, but it does require some gentleness when communicating! This also goes for how you speak to yourself…
The following statements are just some of the many examples! Saying them is one thing, but it also helps to text, email or write a note!
There is a mixture of two types recommended by the author, encouraging words and kind words…
– I am proud of you.
– I love you.
– Your intelligence is so attractive.
– I am mesmerized by your personality.
– You are such a special person.
– The world is so lucky to have you in it.
– You are a great friend/partner.
– You’ve done such a great job!
– Your outfit is amazing!
– Look how hard you’ve worked, and it paid off!
– You have more strength than you are giving yourself credit for.
– Don’t give up, you’ve got this!
– I enjoy our lives together.
– Life would not be the same without you.
– You bring me so much joy.
– Thank goodness I found you!
– You are so beautiful/handsome.
– You are so thoughtful and loving.
– I value our relationship.
This is not a one size fit all situation, so when it comes to providing self-love, you may need to get creative! Below are some ways to implement words of affirmation for yourself, though!
Create a list of caring statements you would like to believe or do believe about yourself! This is a way to energize you in a positive way and can be simply done every day! These can be compliments or wishes…
I am lovable… I am deserving of peace… I am a good friend… Good things are on the horizon.
Check Your Self-Talk
Some of us don’t realize that we have an internal dialogue happening behind the scenes… have you ever taken the time to listen to the little voice inside of your head?
Many of us could identify that it is quite mean! Negative thought traps are extremely common!
We are typically harder on ourselves than others, but especially if you have experienced abuse, your inner critic is quite defeating.
If words of affirmations are important to you, try to combat that rude internal voice! If you are struggling on your own, consider reaching out to a therapist for some help! Also, you could try self-love or self-compassion meditations.
Write down your strengths. Write down things you love about yourself. Have framed phrases you love around your home. Write yourself a love letter.
Hopefully you’ve learned some new ways to show love to yourself and others who find words of affirmation meaningful and wonderful!