What are love languages and why am I writing about quality time?
Now is your time to learn a little bit more about ways to show love to others who appreciate quality time!
Plot twist, if YOU are a person who speaks this love language, there are some tips on how you can add it to personalizing your self-care and self-love practices, too!
Posted: July11, 2021
Disclaimer: Although I am a mental health professional, all information and reflections are meant for educational purposes only. If you plan to make changes in your life, it may be worth consulting with loved ones and/or your wellness team. Also, this post may contain affiliate links that will connect you with some pretty cool products and when making a purchase through those links, I receive a small commission at no extra cost to you.
Gary Chapman is the marriage counselling mastermind behind the concept of the Five Love Languages. If you have never heard of this, it is time you do!
His book The Five Love Languages has multiple versions, been updated multiple times throughout the years and in a variety of languages. There is likely some truth behind his words since this is the case!
What are they?
Don’t know which one you fall under? Click HERE to do one of the quizzes!
To generalize, the idea is that head over heels love typically has an expiry date of being “enough” of about 2 years. It’s a pattern that was seen repeatedly! Why? Because partners were not feeling loved!
The lovey dovey excitement begins to fade if our “love tanks” are not being filled and we EACH have different ways we want to be shown love. Funny enough, it is typically the way we show love too!
But wait… what if our loved ones don’t have the same love language? Welp, that is where Gary Chapman’s book or these blog posts come in! Although Gary’s focus is on couples or children, there is more information coming forward regarding people recommending the use of love languages toward self-care too!
This series of posts is going to include ways to show love to others AND ourselves using love languages! Keep reading to learn more about Quality Time.
I like to consider this love language as providing presence.
The author of the 5 Love Languages describes it as “giving someone your undivided attention.” This means, removing distractions and spending some one-on-one time if in a couple or isolated alone time if for self-care.
Focus your attention, do quality activities, and have quality conversations!
Quantity Does Not Count
Quantity is not enough for someone who needs to be loved through quality time. Even more, it is hurtful if you promise quality time, but end up being distracted during the interaction.
If you have plans together, do your best to stick to it, otherwise you could be breaking your partner’s heart a little and over time, a lot.
Additionally, if you are getting a ton of alone time, but not utilizing it in a way that is meaningful for you, this can also be a problem! Sure, scrolling online is find sometimes. On the other hand, it helps if you can provide some quality self-love during that time too.
Here is where you will need to get a little creative or ask your loved one if there are any specific activities they would enjoy doing together. The following are a few examples though!
– Go for a walk together.
– Ask questions about something they are passionate about.
– Set time aside in your schedule for them.
– Plan dates and getaways.
– Plan relaxing activities.
– Plan active activities.
– Going out for a meal together.
– Play games together.
– Take some time every day to talk with minimal distraction.
This is not a one size fit all situation, so when it comes to providing self-love, you may need to get creative! Below are some ways to implement quality time for yourself, though!
Overscheduling yourself means little to no time for quality alone time. Make sure you find a bit of a balance to ensure you do not miss out on staying in tune with your needs!
There is no better way of getting to know ourselves, than using mindfulness. This can take on many forms such as breathing exercises, meditation, or journaling. Consider doing even just 10 minutes a day!
If you have some lone hobbies, perfect! If not, maybe consider experimenting with something new!
– Going on a walk, run or strength training.
– Listening to or writing music.
– Painting, drawing, colouring.
– Outdoor sports (hiking, snowboarding, skiing)
– Take yourself on a date.
Better yet, try to get in the state of flow (Click HERE to learn more)!
Hopefully you’ve learned some new ways to show love to yourself and others who find quality time meaningful and wonderful!
Chapman, G. (2021). The 5 Love Languages. Northfield Publishers.