Acts of Service
What are love languages and why am I writing about acts of service?
Now is your time to learn a little bit more about ways to show love to others who appreciate acts of service!
Plot twist, if YOU are a person who speaks this love language, there are some tips on how you can add it to personalizing your self-care and self-love practices, too!
Disclaimer: Although I am a mental health professional, all information and reflections are meant for educational purposes only. If you plan to make changes in your life, it may be worth consulting with loved ones and/or your wellness team. Also, this post may contain affiliate links that will connect you with some pretty cool products and when making a purchase through those links, I receive a small commission at no extra cost to you.
Gary Chapman is the marriage counselling mastermind behind the concept of the Five Love Languages. If you have never heard of this, it is time you do!
His book The Five Love Languages has multiple versions, been updated multiple times throughout the years and in a variety of languages. There is likely some truth behind his words since this is the case!
What are they?
Don’t know which one you fall under? Click HERE to do one of the quizzes!
To generalize, the idea is that head over heels love typically has an expiry date of being “enough” of about 2 years. It’s a pattern that was seen repeatedly! Why? Because partners were not feeling loved!
The lovey dovey excitement begins to fade if our “love tanks” are not being filled and we EACH have different ways we want to be shown love. Funny enough, it is typically the way we show love too!
But wait… what if our loved ones don’t have the same love language? Welp, that is where Gary Chapman’s book or these blog posts come in! Although Gary’s focus is on couples or children, there is more information coming forward regarding people recommending the use of love languages toward self-care too!
This series of posts is going to include ways to show love to others AND ourselves using love languages! Keep reading to learn more about Acts of Service.
Acts of Service
The author of the 5 Love Languages would say that acts of services is doing something our loved one would like us to do.
I like to describe it as showing love through activities that help the person in some way! This does not mean doing EVERYTHING, although that would be great…
What it does mean is offering to help or doing things before your loved one even has the change to ask. All because you want to help them out and show them love.
Lack of Service
Unfortunately, this may be the least favourite love language to attend to if your love language isn’t acts of service. Why? Because it is doing chores or errands, essentially!
Keep in mind, if you say you are going to do it though, do it. The reason for this is, if you don’t or wait multiple days, your partner feels hurt. I know because this is my love language.
It’s the same if I am not doing things that are healthy for myself, too. I feel withdrawn and lower in mood when I’m not keeping up with my day-to-day tasks! I feel like I let myself down, so imagine how I feel when my partner doesn’t do their share of the work?
Ideally, you should ask your partner to make a list of things that would help them in day-to-day life. Maybe they can give you a list for the day, week, month or just generally appreciated activities!
Additionally, if your partner wishes you would get creative on your own, reflect on the things they have asked for help with in the past or have complained about.
– General Cleaning
– Deep Cleaning
– Fill the vehicle tank
– Pet Care (walking, playing or feeding)
– Hire a cleaner or organizer,
– Hire a chef or meal prep company.
– Hire a babysitter.
– Get car detailed.
– Order in food.
– Offer to help with a task they are doing.
– Fix something that needs fixing.
– Make the bed.
– Pay bills or do banking tasks.
– Do an errand you know they hate.
– Attending a hobby they are involved in (sports, creative, etc.)
– Offer to plan the next vacation.
– Offer to plan the next date night.
– Help schedule appointments.
So, this one may feel a little weird, because how can doing errands and chores be self-care? It isn’t necessarily the task, but that you got it done! Additionally, it must be a task you ENJOY for it to be self-love. The following are a few options…
You can take yourself to a professional or do these yourself! Either way, they are an act of self-kindness.
– Deep hair conditioning.
– Body Brushing
– Full Body Lotion
– Oil Pulling
Setting up appointments in advance can help organize a busy schedule, which can be quite appealing! Here are some to consider.
– Eye Care
– Personal Trainer
– Hired Help for cleaning or cooking.
– Fitness Classes.
– Time with Friends or Family
– Hair Cut
Attending to Needs
When we treat our bodies right, we feel better holistically in many ways! Listen to it when it tells you are hungry, thirsty, or tired. Try,
– Eating Healthy Meals
– Physical Activity
– Getting Enough Rest & Sleep
– Drink Enough Water
Acts of service lovers typically enjoy a sense of achievement when finishing tasks, so why not make a list and cross them out one by one? You can make them for multiple situations…
– Monthly Cleaning Lists
– Short Term Goals
– Long Term Goals
– Planning Lists (vacation, shopping, etc.)
– Bucket List
– Daily, Weekly, Monthly, Yearly…
If you want to read the extra benefits of To-Do Lists, read HERE!
Hopefully you’ve learned some new ways to show love to yourself and others who find quality time meaningful and wonderful!
Chapman, G. (2010) The 5 Love Languages. Northfield Publishing.